I can get him or her to change...Really?

If we unconsciously fear the opposite sex, how can we relate intimately to them? Instead, we defend ourselves from true intimacy with thorny defenses that keep the other at arms length. Or choose partners incapable of intimacy. And, since this is done unconsciously, it becomes a repetitive pattern, undermining and sabotaging every relationship we try to create


What do your patterns reveal about you? Do you fall for the same type of person? In most if not every relationship do you end up saying ": "This time will be different. I will get this person to love me. I can change him or her, if I only try hard enough. I won't fail again. Then I will feel loveable." This thinking is doomed for failure. For if, as part of the repetition compulsion, we specifically choose individuals who cannot love us because of their own limitations and problems, what are the odds of making them do so? Can we "fix" them? Force them? Transform them? Cure them? Not very likely.

So here is the personal challenge for all of us- Take a good look at your relationships and your behavior within relationships- what do the patterns reveal? Are you constantly entering relationships with emotionally unavailable people? Then maybe you fear intimacy. Are you seeking out people who are already committed to someone else? Maybe you feel you aren't worthy of having true love.

take the time to learn what your patterns are telling you and seek to make healthier choices this year...

Who accepts this challenge?