Steps to determine if he/she is just not good for you

When driving down a one way highway, it is very easy to spot someone who is not going in the same direction as you. In life we are all on various paths- sometimes we will meet persons who are going in the complete opposite direction than us. This isn't a bad thing- but it can mean that maybe we have to leave them alone and surround ourselves with those that are either on the same path or contribute to us staying on a positive path... Here are some helpful tips for how to determine if a person is good for you or not.


Is That Person Good for You?


Step 1: Take a good look around you. So often we get caught up in life in a way that makes it difficult to really see what's going on around us. We begin to take the people in our lives for granted (in both good and bad ways) and we stop really seeing what's happening. If you don't look around and really pay attention, you might miss what's really going on. So open your eyes and look at what's going on around you.


Step 2: Ask yourself the following questions about the people in your life:

Do I like who I am when I am around this person?
Does this person make me happier or unhappier?
What kinds of feelings does this person evoke?
How would I describe this person in 5 words?
How do your friends/family describe this person?

Step 3: Take a good look at yourself. While it might not seem like the most obvious thing to do, when you’re trying to uncover who is good for you and who is not, it’s important to look at yourself. Look at the person you are when you’re with that other person. Pay special attention to your mind and how you think and feel when that other person is around –- or even when you think about that other person. You can start right now! Think about someone very important to you and listen to how your mind reacts. Are you thinking positive thoughts? Are you angry or sad when you think of this person? Paying attention to how you feel and taking a look at the person you are when you are around or thinking about someone else is critical. You cannot truly understand another’s impact on you if you aren’t paying attention to the way that person makes you feel. Once you start looking at yourself and listening to your thoughts when this person is around you, you will most likely be able to tell whether or not this person brings out the best in you. If you still can’t tell… move on to Step 4!


Step 4: Keep paying attention. One of the most important things you can do when attempting to make sure that the people you have in your life are good for you is to keep paying attention. Sure, you might have done Steps 1-3 and feel pretty good about the person now, but people change and you change so it’s important to keep paying attention. Of course this doesn’t mean you need to be monitoring the person 24/7 or taking notes every time you are around him or her. This means that you need to pay attention to how you feel and have a general sense of whether the person makes you feel better about yourself. Positive people in your life should bring you up and make you feel happy. This doesn’t mean you won’t have conflicts with these people, but you should generally feel as if the people you surround yourself with are looking out for your best interest. Still not sure if you’re dealing with someone who is good for you? Check out Step 5…


Step 5: Get a second (and third!) opinion. While your opinion of the people in your life is very valuable, it’s important to ask around to see what others think. Sometimes we become blinded by various things (comfort, love, etc.) and cannot see people or situations for what they really are. For this reason, it’s important to get an outsider’s opinion (preferably someone who you’ve confirmed is looking out for your best interests). For example, if you find that all of your friends think your boy/girlfriend is bad for you, you’re probably not seeing the situation for what it is and you need to be aware of this. Getting input from someone who is removed from the situation will provide you will a fresh perspective and will allow you to figure out if you’re assessing the person (and the relationship with that person) properly.



After you've gone through these five steps, it should be pretty obvious whether or not a person is a positive influence in your life. it’s really important to pay attention to who you surround yourself with because it can make a HUGE difference on how you live your life and how you feel about the life you’re living. Remember, no matter what, you have the power to keep or remove people from your life and you can really change your world if you rid your life of all of the negative people in it.

I can get him or her to change...Really?

If we unconsciously fear the opposite sex, how can we relate intimately to them? Instead, we defend ourselves from true intimacy with thorny defenses that keep the other at arms length. Or choose partners incapable of intimacy. And, since this is done unconsciously, it becomes a repetitive pattern, undermining and sabotaging every relationship we try to create


What do your patterns reveal about you? Do you fall for the same type of person? In most if not every relationship do you end up saying ": "This time will be different. I will get this person to love me. I can change him or her, if I only try hard enough. I won't fail again. Then I will feel loveable." This thinking is doomed for failure. For if, as part of the repetition compulsion, we specifically choose individuals who cannot love us because of their own limitations and problems, what are the odds of making them do so? Can we "fix" them? Force them? Transform them? Cure them? Not very likely.

So here is the personal challenge for all of us- Take a good look at your relationships and your behavior within relationships- what do the patterns reveal? Are you constantly entering relationships with emotionally unavailable people? Then maybe you fear intimacy. Are you seeking out people who are already committed to someone else? Maybe you feel you aren't worthy of having true love.

take the time to learn what your patterns are telling you and seek to make healthier choices this year...

Who accepts this challenge?

Are you comparing with others and feeling envious?

If so remember this:

"Life isn’t some kind of competition - it’s a personal journey to be lived in the way that’s best suited to the individual. When we start trying to live like ‘everybody else’, we end up losing our own sense of purpose and can even forget who we actually are."

Take a moment and reflect on who you are.... embrace the journey you are on and live it to the fullest.

2010 Challenge for Ladies...

2010 Challenge For the Ladies…..

Greetings ladies.. So here we are- about to go into the next year… Here is the challenge for us.. Let me know if you accept this challenge for the New year….

Mental health:
In 2010 I will do more to take care of my mental health. I will talk more openly about my feelings of depression and/or anxiety with trusted loved ones. If I have periods of extended sadness I will talk to my doctor, realizing that there is no shame in getting help. I will treat myself several times this year to times that are just for me…

Physical Health:
In 2010 I will start/continue taking care of my health which means:
I will get my annual checkups; I will exercise and eat a balanced healthy diet. I will work on shedding extra pounds but I will love my body through the journey. When I’m tired, I will pay attention to my body, and get rest. If I’m dealing with an illness/disease/disorder- I will follow my doctor’s treatment plan, and will keep my mental health strong so that my physical health can be at its best.

Relationships- Females
I will work on being a better friend to my girlfriends. When she needs to talk, I’ll listen. I will be more open and honest about how I feel. When my girlfriend succeeds, I will congratulate her, and support her, no jealousy this year!

Relationships- Men
If I am in a healthy relationship, and dealing with a man that really tries- I will show him respect. I will remember that it s not good to have a power struggle with my man. If he shows his emotions, I will allow him share without judgment. I won’t stalk his page, I won’t check his phone, I won’t search for reasons to fuel my insecurities that lie within me. I will give him space to be him and to have friends. I will realize that sometimes it’s best to keep my mouth shut, and allow him to be the man he is trying to be- However, if I am in an unhealthy relationship, I will work very hard to end it. I will realize that true love doesn’t have to be fought for. If my man puts me down, emotionally, physically, mentally- I will view these as red flags and get help and get out of the relationship. I will honor the voice of my kids, when they express concern about how he treats me or them. I will allow myself to love hard, but not at the compromise of loving myself and my children. Also, if a man is married, no matter how much he tells me he isn't happy at home, I will realize that I'm better than being woman number 2, number 3 etc... If I was in a "relationship" with a married man in 09- I will pray that I can get the strength and courage to walk away, not stay because i'm desperate, starving for love and affection.... I'll know that being by myself with my dignity will be better than being a mistress and feeling like crap.


Personal Image:
No matter how bad I feel I will do my best to keep myself looking great! Not for the man in my life (though he will appreciate it) but because I want to look my best and feel my best at any moment I’m alive. I will keep my hair done, keep my hygiene up, and dress in clothing that fits me at the size I am at currently.

In summary:
I know this year will bring me loss. I may lose a job, I may lose my man, I may lose a loved one to death, I may lose my stable life, but no matter how much I lose I will TRY to always focus on what I still have. I will count not the quantity of blessings but the quality of my blessing- Even at my lowest darkest moment; I will rely on my faith. I will laugh a lot, love a lot and learn a lot!

Now…. Who is in with me?

I Promise.....

When was the last time you made a compelling promise to yourself and
worked hard to keep it? What if you practiced this for the next thirty
days? Would that make a difference – you bet!

Many people ask me if there is one thing that they can learn quickly
that can make a significant impact on their lives. We all know that
there are no shortcuts to success. However, at the risk of “over
simplifying”, let me make a statement

“One
simple thing that you can learn easily and that can make a significant
impact on your lives is – working hard to keep the promises you make to
yourself”
Think about the above statement – many times it’s easier to keep
promises that we make to others than to keep promises that we make to
ourselves. In fact, many of the promises that we make to ourselves is
not known to anybody else. Something like “I will finish reading this
book by the end of the week” is known only to yourself. Weeks pass by
and the book is not complete yet. Nobody knows that you made a promise
to yourself and you feel a bit guilty for not keeping the promise but
you are smart enough to justify why you were not able to keep your
promise. Most often, the justifications for not keeping the promises to yourself are more compelling than the promises themselves.

On a lighter note, you can afford to NOT keep your promises to yourself
because you can’t fire yourself. If you fire yourself where will you
go?

You can fix this – make small promises to yourself and try to keep
them. Keep doing this until it becomes a habit. It should become your
second nature to keep the promises you make for yourself. If this not
working, partner with a friend and share the promises that you make for
yourself with this friend. Ask for his help to hold you accountable for
these promises.

Article from Rajesh Setty

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